Sunday, May 19, 2013

I blame June Cleaver

I blame June cleaver! And not just her, I blame all of them! June Cleaver, Mrs. Brady, Laura Petrie, Shirley Partridge, Angela Bower, all of them! They were the "perfect" mother's. Their homes were always spotless, even the Bradys home was perfect with six kids, granted they had a live in maid. They all had perfect hair and perfect make up. Nothing was out of place. They cooked meals with smiles plastered on their faces. They always knew the right thing to say and could come up with the perfect solution to any problem or behavior. I also blame society and the so called parenting "Experts". I’m so over all of the do this, do that, this is the right way, you’re doing it wrong, don't spank, don't yell, research shows this, the doctor say that, the other doctor disagrees with the first doctor, if you don't do it this way they may grow up to be serial killers, let them cry it out, don't let them cry it out, your going to cause anxiety, if you tickel your baby then they will grow up with a stutter. Ahhhhh...... there is no "perfect" or "right" way! There is no manual. There are so many unrealistic expectations put on us mothers. 

In my opinion, parenting is trial and error. What works for one child is not necessarily going to work for the other child. And its exhausting. At least for me it is. I know that in my home Its like I live with little drunk people. Standing on the furniture, babbling non-sense at each other, and eating out of the garbage. Oh yes, I just said that! They leave messes everywhere they go. And I'm so tired all of the time. Like I feel as though I will never see another day that I'm not tired every second. I don't know about you but there are times that I look at the clock every five minutes longing for it to finally be my kids bedtime so that I can have a couple sweet hours of silence. I have my selfish moments of just wanting to soak in a bath tub with the lights off, candles burning, and an I pad playing my favorite TV show or movie. At times that seems like heaven.

People say, “You should enjoy every moment!” and to those people I need to tell you that I want to stomp on your big toe, and slap you in the ear when you say this! Not because you are lying but, because this is not helpful advice. We all know that they grow up fast, that we will forget the cute things they say if we don't catch them on camera or wright them down in our journals, we know that the baby chub will disappear and the little voices will change. We know that it's inevitable that one day we will overhear our children complaining about how we are unfair and annoying. We know that every second of their lives is a gift in our own.

We also know that not every second is a moment to be enjoyed. some moments are down right awful! You parents, with children who have grown up and moved out have obviously forgotten that. I get it, its like you have mommy amnesia. You only remember bits and pieces. Remembering only the joy. You remember family game nights, afternoons spent at the beach, your children drawing pictures of the family on the driveway with sidewalk chalk. You don't (or you choose not to) remember, little Johnny sticking the Monopoly top hat up his nose and the frantic drive to the doctors office. You don't remember the being driven crazy those afternoons at the beach when you had to tell your children to stop trying to drown each other over and over before you finally gave in and screamed "we're leaving!" and then standing at the shore line yelling at your children like a crazy person to get out of the water over and over while they continuously dive under water pretending not to hear you, just so they can squeeze in another few minutes in the water. You don't remember that the simple drawings on the driveway ended up getting boring to your child so they then moved onto drawing pictures on your car, inside and out.

To all of you moms out there, know that its okay to not enjoy every moment. This doesn't make you a terrible parent. You are a mother with limits. You are not a terrible mother if you struggle to stay calm when trying to give consequences to your child when they make mistakes or are down right rude. You are not a terrible mother if while at the park you throw the ball a little further then necessary so that it takes longer for them to get it and bring it back. Your not a bad mother if you tell your kids, "Oh did you hear that? I think dad is calling for you." because you want a few seconds to yourself. You're not a bad mother if you turn the sprinkler on in the backyard after dinner for "play time" when your real intention is to get the remains of the meal you made off of them with minimal effort on your part. You're not a bad mother if when your husband walks in the door after work you hand the kids over to him for an hour. You are not a terrible mother if you cant make another meal this week, so you take your kids out for fast food. I read something recently that said "sometimes happiness comes in a red box with golden arches." it's okay if you let the kids watch TV, you give your child soda, you sometimes yell when you get frustrated. Your not a bad mother or wife if you cant do the dishes, sweep and mop the floor, make three meals a day from scratch including snacks, and do all of the laundry, while being the perfect mother every day!

Its time to give ourselves a break.We are so overwhelmed with what sort of parent society says we should be. Maybe its time for a different perspective. Maybe we should stop beating ourselves up. We are our worst critic. At the end of the day this whole thing is about our children. We made the life altering choice to become a mother. I joke a lot on this blog about what a pain they can be. Honestly Its more amusing to talk about my experiences that way, then to write about the ordinary everyday stuff. I know that my children are such blessings in my life. We all need to remember that about our kids. There are people all around the world who would give anything to experience what we sometimes take for granted. There is a blog written by a christian mother with five children. She commented: “[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.” She then adds: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.” I love this. It really speaks to my heart. I will continue going forward, reminding myself that I have been given such an amazing gift. I am a mother of two wonderful boys. They love me unconditionally. They look to me for love, comfort, and guidance that I will happily provide. Do not spend your time comparing yourself to your friends that are mothers. Do not beat yourself up if you do not do all of the "Top Ten Best Parenting Tips". Do not put yourself down when you think that your not giving your kids as healthy of food choices and your friend gives theirs. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty because you didn't breastfeed your baby for whatever reason. What a blessing it is to live in a time that science has been able to closely simulate breast milk. do not get discouraged if you struggle from day to day to be the best Mom you can be. I don't think that God wants us to struggle so hard, beating ourselves up striving for perfection. Our children need such simple things. All you have to do is love them. Children are so easy to love. Give yourself a break, skip one of your daily chores today, and use that time to just be with your kids. You don't have to do anything big. You can just read them a story, or have them tell you what their favorite part of the day was. hold them in your arms and remind yourself that they are the most important thing in your world. kiss their cheeks, smell there hair, listen to them giggle. Tell them that you love them. And PLEASE, give yourself a break.

                                                   My angels C & D

Until next time my lovely's

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