Friday, April 5, 2013

The things they say and do

First off I want to say my kids are adorable! Yes, I am their mother and of course I'm going to think that. Some of you know my kids and would agree. Anyone who doesn't agree should keep that to themselves because if you state differently then it may be the end of our friendship!

I love pretty much everything about them. Their round little bellies, their crinkled with chub little wrists, their soft cheeks that I can't help but kiss, their dimpled knuckles. I love when they give me hugs and I can smell the sweet comforting scent of Johnson's baby shampoo. Their voices are (most of the time) soft and small like kids voices are. I love watching them play together. I love how their imaginations take over any ordinary task, and turns it into an adventure of slaying dragons or battling Captain Hook. I love the sound of them laughing from the other room as I know their brotherly bond is continuing to grow. I love draping old sheets over the kitchen table and creating a fort fit for my little kings. I love bath time during the summers when tan lines and white bums are a plenty. I love when my oldest son sings the song he made up for me, and watching his little mouth as it forms the words that still have a slight mispronunciation. I love taking a photo of my youngest, and how saying "cheese" becomes the trigger word for him to throw his head back, smile the biggest smile he can muster, and close his eyes oh so tight. I love them!

 Yet there are things that I don't love, and things that I wonder "where and the heck did they get that from?" There are moments that my kids embarrass me, and make me cringe. Sometimes they are gross, and dirty. Sometimes the sweet smell of Johnson's baby shampoo is replaced by the smell of diarrhea, or vomit. Sometimes their cute little button noses are are filled with crusty green boogers or snot running down to their top lip. Sometimes playtime turns into an all out brawl. Sometimes putting them to bed would be a challenge even for Super Nanny. Sometimes silence means your child is in the next room with markers and face paint, creating "artwork" on walls and furniture. Sometimes you are in the check out stand at the store when your bundle of joy takes a deuce so big that it seeps out of the diaper and up their back getting dangerously close to their hair, and you have to pretend that the wafting scent of evil did not just eject itself from your sweet baby's bowels. These are not the most picturesque moments of motherhood.

I have been thinking lately about some off those cringe worthy moments, and thought I would share a few of them with you. So that you know that you are not alone. Because, lets face it. There is no such thing as a perfect or un-embarrassing journey through motherhood.

Just this last Christmas my oldest son became infatuated with telling people "Merry Christmas". Sweet, right? Well..... Not really. This would be a very proud mommy moment for me if it were a kind soft voiced greeting or farewell to people. Because most people during that time of the year are all full of holiday cheer and what have you. People smile, people are more generous, people giggle over the cuteness of children bundled up for cold weather with their little noses shining bright red from the nip in the air. People, however, do not like to be SCREAMED at to have a Merry Christmas! It didn't seem to matter whether we were at the store, walking around the neighborhood, or even in the library, my little man was determined to wish tidings of good cheer whether you liked it or not. Now, at first it started out kind, with a simple "merry Christmas" but if you did not acknowledge him with the same luster of well wishes, then he would continue to get louder and louder despite my urges to quiet down, until he is at full volume. I feel like a crazy person when I have to say "Stop wishing people merry Christmas! They don't care! Be quiet! Maybe they hate Christmas!"  <-------- and the worst mother award goes to....... Me!

Now we all know that stage when our little boys discover what's between their legs. I know that a lot of parents aren't comfortable with telling their kids what it is actually called so they make up a name that is less graphic. This means there are generations of men who grew up calling it "winky" "pee pee" "ding ding". You get the point. I made the choice to tell him the clinical term so that he won't be referring to it as "Pena-saurus Rex" when he's 30! So now that he knows the word, and he is old enough to form sentences. Hmmmmmm..... I wonder where this is going? That's right, it becomes public knowledge, and BONUS it's now the ice breaker when meeting new people. There is nothing like having the missionaries from your church over for a little meet and greet, and your tiny tot is poking his diaper saying "Penis, I have a Penis." and then prodding their crotches poking and pointing saying "You have a penis!" I guess whatever word you choose to teach them will most likely lead to some uncomfortable situation somewhere down the road.

Now... I'm kind of busty in the boobs department. Lets just say that my bra has doubled as shelter for my two boys. For whatever reason they think its fun to put their heads (each in one cup) in my bra and run around the house like conjoined twins. They find this hilarious and will play this way until I decide to take it away because they are coming close to tearing it to shreds! Listen.... big booby bras are expensive! So, the other day I had a load of laundry on the couch. Yup, that's right. They grab a bra and the madness ensues. I head back to the laundry room and start to switch the load when I hear a knock on the door. My oldest son disregards my lengthy talks about how we don't answer the door to strangers, and the next thing I know, the maintenance man is standing there in the door way staring at my two giggling boys with most of their faces hidden beneath the cups of my bra! "Oh, hi!" I say, and immediately feel my face turn red. Corbin sensing my discomfort, takes the bra from their heads and says "here's your big booby holder, mom!"

Yes, parenting is fun, embarrassing, crazy, uncomfortable, annoying, lovely and fleeting. We get so wrapped up in our day to day routines that its sometimes hard to find the humor. we focus on, teaching values, self worth, kindness, generosity, that the days just seem to fly by. Before you know it their soft kissable cheeks no longer want to be kissed, they don't want to be cuddled, they would rather hang out with their friends then be caught dead going anywhere with you. Sometimes, I admit, that I kind of long for them to be self sufficient, and independent. But then I think about all of the things I love about them now, and I know that some day I will be willing to give my husbands left nut to have these moments back. Embrace these crazy days that seem like they will last forever, because they will be over sooner then you think!

Until next time my lovelys!

PS. Dont forget to come on over to Facebook and like my page "Motherhood- What The BLEEP Am I Doing?"

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