Saturday, June 8, 2013

Dax - a diaper = a treasure hunt

Well folks, it's been one of those weeks. You know the ones I'm talking about. The kids have obviously been abducted by aliens and replaced with crazy obnoxious small people that just look like them. This week has been insane. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off but somehow I haven't been productive at all! my nights have mostly consisted of me sitting in my kids room trying to get them to sleep for an hour or so. That is not normal behavior for them. I have played the role of referee all week. I cant even begin to count how many times I have said "Stop hitting your brother" "stop biting your brother" "stop putting your tongue in your brothers ear". But there was a moment that really became they cherry on the top of my week.

It was the time of day when everyone had been fed. It was time to bathe the kids and put them down. However bry ran across the street with Corbin to talk to the neighbors for a few minuets. So I decided I would just take dax into the shower with me instead of giving him a bath and then getting myself in the shower.

Now, I have very long, very thick hair. So before I shower I will sit on the end of my bed and brush it out really well. Okay this next part may be a little bit "tmi" but just bare with me. So I get undressed and also take Dax's diaper off. I sat down on the end of the bed and began brushing my hair. I called out to Dax, "Okay buddy, just a few more minutes and we will go shower." About 20 seconds later Dax stands at my feet and I notice that something is wrong with his body language. "Whats the matter Dax?" I say. "Poo poo" he replies. "where?" He points over his shoulder and looks at me again and repeats "Poo poo".  "Show me honey, where is the poo poo." He turns around and starts to walk, looking over his shoulder at me like Lassie leading Timmy to the well full of dynamite. As he leads me I notice that he has little brown smudges on his bum cheeks. We end up in my closet. There on the floor, in the middle of the closet is a big poop. Luckily it was sort of dry so it was easy to clean up (listen, you have to be thankful for the little blessings). I clean up Dax and then go back to brushing my hair. As I brushed I nervously glanced at the clock, at first thinking "Man, I bet he will have another accident" and then thinking "no, he wont need to go to the bathroom again before we can get showered off.". Well folks, I was wrong. It wasn't more then a a couple of minutes later that he stood at the end of the bed again and said "Mama, poo poo". "Oh come on buddy! You just went. How could you have pooped again?" he looked at me with those big blue eyes and repeats himself  "Mama poo poo". "Okay Dax, where is it?" He points down at his feet. There under his right foot is another turd. This one is not as dry and easy to clean up. At that moment I look around with my mouth hanging open, and I see them. There are a bunch of brown, right foot footprints all over my bedroom carpet. It looks like a bunch of Blues Clues littering the floor.

I scooped up Dax and hung him over my arm much like you would fling your beach towel over your forearm. I cleaned his bum again and as I was cleaning off his foot, It dawns on me (maybe this isn't all of the poop. Maybe he stepped in it and then walked away only leaving part of it on his foot.)  So now I am nude, crawling on my poop covered floor, following the clues, sort of like playing my own game of "find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow". I searched high and low, under the bed, in the closet, next to the nightstand. It was no where to be found. I was thankful that I didn't find anything more. I walked around the room and cleaned the little brown footprints out of my carpet the  best that I could and then jumped into the shower before anything else could happen.

Later that evening after the kids were asleep a friend of ours came by to hang out and see our new house. We hung out for a bit and then she asked for a tour. We proudly showed her the downstairs stopping in each room to talk about what we had done and what we were planning to do. Eventually we made our way upstairs. The first stop on the upstairs tour is the kids playroom, followed by the master bedroom.

(Now before I continue I just want to take a minute and share with you an observation that I just realized the moment I opened the door to my bedroom. Hiding poop + steam from the shower + a closed door for 2 hours = a stench that is enough to knock you out! Okay now I will resume this horrible story.)

So we open the door and take a few steps into the room. Immediately my eyes are slightly burning and
Bry turns to me and says "what is that?". "What?" I say, somehow hoping that I am the only one with nostrils and I am smelling this alone. Maybe if I act like he is crazy then they will stop smelling it. "That smell?" he says. So Iguess my plan didnt work.  "Umm..... well I told you that there were some issues leading up to getting into the shower with Dax. But I don't know why it still smells" At this point our friend looks confused and slightly horrified as she is breathing in the evil stink and probably wondering what on earth I did to my child before getting into the shower. And then...... My husband spotted it!!  Below the  TV, under the table, In a smeared, lumpy, stinking pile was the remains of what came out of my sweet babies bowels. There were no poop tracks in that area earlier when I was searching. The only explination is, that he picked it up off of the floor and then flung it like a wild monkey. 

I was mortified! Immediately I grabbed the closest thing to me that seamed like it would clean it up (diaper wipes). I got down on my knees and began cleaning the mess as my husband continued the tour of our stink room. Will men ever learn? So here I am scrubbing at poopy carpet as Bryan walks around the room saying "Oh, we made this project a couple of weeks ago. Right  honey? Was it two weeks ago?" and I look up with a big smile on my face and happily chiming in "No, honey it was last week."

Oy vey! I sometimes have to pinch myself just to make sure that this is real life. It seems so unbelievable sometimes.Well, maybe by telling this story there is someone out there that will read it and be comforted in knowing that you are not alone. I guess these things happen to everyone, right? Please tell me you experience this stuff too! 

Until next time my lovely's!

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  1. Haha!! I love how he continued the tour even though you were scrubbing poop!! Glad you shared this!

  2. im glad someone is happy that this was shared. Its a typical male to just continue on. I would never have done that but ehh whatever. poop happens, right?!